我是差等生，我自豪
May 31st, 2008 by 
Eric
差等生，对于年幼的我来说曾经是个那么遥远的词汇。从小在父母的威逼利诱下，我曾经懵懂无知地一度是小学里最优等的学生之一，在义务教育的前六年里，我在各年级都曾经是当时最稳定的Top3 Student，无论是什么考试都很难不得到100分，因为即便是再懵懂无知，我也清楚地知道如果哪怕是一个微不足道的小错误，也足以让我回家后得到一顿棍棒侍候，而保持100分的稳定Performance倒似乎成了天经地义，很多时候甚至连作为一些本该得到的待遇的附加条件都不够格。其实现在想来，这是作为一个孩子最大的悲哀，暗无天日的童年来自于对父母的言听计从，自己丧失了任何选择的权利，而这是一种恶性循环，只能把父母惯得更加肆无忌惮。
经过多年的历练，有了丰富的对比，现在才明白，做一个优等生是多么可怜和可悲的一件事。而在儿时却因为身在其中并没有意识，如果当时能有人对此稍加点拨，我是宁可消受皮肉之苦，也不会忍受作为一个优等生的痛苦。这甚至不会对我的人生轨迹有丝毫影响，我命中注定还是会进入同样的中学，以及在后来同样享受作为差等生的人生至乐。因为人生本来就是由家庭背景决定的，和其他因素从来就没什么太大关系。
初中三年，是自由开始萌芽的三年。唯一可庆之事，可说是彻底走出“优等生”队伍。过程漫长，其中又有反复和彷徨，结果也算中规中矩，总算是好歹混到了高中，开始了无法无天，笙歌鼎沸的teenager时代。
进入高中，意味着自由，至少是对我而言。非常短的时间内，我就成为了让我自豪不已的差等生，而且是年级最差班的差等生。在此之前，我从来没有体验过这种原来可以是那么让人享受的感觉。特权总是可以让人回味的，而当一个差等生，原来意味着如此多的特权，这是我始料不及的。我以最快的速度适应了这些特权，并且和其他Fellow差等生一起，乐在其中，乐此不疲。
至今我还时常回味和自豪地对别人谈起我的Teenager时代。读万卷书，行万里路，方知一个美好的Teenager时代对人来说是多么重要。对每一个人来说，那都是人生最为富于激情和创造力的时期，再加上那种不可一世的独特气质，Teenager可以酷得无法无天，魅力是那么的无与伦比。每当和朋友们谈起，我又总是那么庆幸我曾经是一个差等生，而且总结出一个完美的Teenager时期的几大要素，这几大要素缺一不可，个个都是放之四海而皆准的普世真理。要是想有一个值得回味一生的Teenager时代，你首先必须在高中时代进入一个学校里学习最差的班级，而且本身就是差班里学习最差的货色，不仅如此你还要有一群和你学习一样差的伙伴，那才真是Fun到了家。如果你进了某个优等生扎堆的所谓“特色班”，而且本身就是个“优等生”，那就已经是大不幸了，要是再外加你的Teenager伙伴又都是那些酸腐的“优等生”，那我可以负责任的告诉你，你可以说是可怜乏味到了家，因为你的人生已经被毁了一大半了。除了在学习上一定要越差越好，要是再有一个女生作为梦中情人，那就更是再好不过，要是再摊上一个年轻美貌的女老师，那就可以堪称完美了。一部Grease为何成为跨时间地域之经典，非差等生不足以有充分亲证，Teenager的美好时光，无论种族时间，是普世的共鸣。
作为差等生，很多特权可能是只有亲身经历而不能言传的。完全被班主任放弃甚至是惧怕避之唯恐不及，坐在班级的最后一两排座位，上课与否只是个形式，从教室后门进出如入无人之境，兴趣所致大步流星步出教室，呼朋唤友在学校后街尽享电玩之乐，枯燥乏味之时坐在教室尽情翻阅武侠小说，色情文学，玩弄黄色贴画乐此不疲，意淫班花美女老师乐在其中，随时随地翘课打牌抽烟喝酒更是不在话下不亦乐乎，玩到倦时倒头便睡，流得一桌口水，打呼噜放屁磨牙肆无忌惮，对于任何一个Teenager来说，这都是梦幻般的生活，而这些是只有差等生才有的特权，所有的老师对于这些差等生，都已经连敢怒而不敢言都不敢提及，根本纯粹就是惹不起躲得起，只要这些差等生不来找你正面冲突已经是阿弥陀佛，上课能够全身而退已经是谢天谢地，但凡是想留得全尸哪里敢对这些差生说出半个不字。班主任更是如坐针毡，作为差生，挑战班主任忍耐极限那是天职，看到班主任恨得牙根儿痒痒，乃至不以此为羞,而万世以此为荣，实为人生至乐也。至于考试时和监考老师斗智斗勇，如是班主任监考更是引以为乐，翻书偷窥交头接耳外加撒泼耍赖明争暗斗无所不用其极，窥望班主任抓狂之态，想忍得住狂笑那是需要相当定力的。亲身体验N科会考不及格，补考考场更是无奇不有，考场吸烟酗酒，满目纹身穿孔狂人，酷男辣女穿梭不息，谈笑无鸿儒，往来有白丁，作弊手段无奇不有，稍有不爽动辄对监考老师大打出手者大有人在，其间乐趣又岂是那些“优等生”可以体会？至于聚众观看色情电影，以至于连窝端进局子，吃的是电棍，坐的是喷气式，严刑拷打不在话下，除却皮肉之苦，谁又能否认这是一种另类人生体验，也可以归入乐趣之列呢？课余不学无术，听的是美国之音，追的是中广流行网，敌台尽入耳目，玩的是HI-FI音响，放的是打口CD，重金属摇滚DISCO无所不有，邻居深受其苦不在话下，又是何等的潇洒惬意。中敌台洗脑深矣，凡遇政治考试，终考会考一视同仁，反正是不学无术，选择题抓阄无度不提，但遇问答题等信手狂草，张口中共，闭口民运，动辄天安门如何如何，共党更是不堪一提。字迹极尽潦草张狂，鲁莽写就以致难以自识，待到分数公布之日，惊奇发觉居然根本就是Bull Shit的长篇大论虽不得要领且政治极端反动居然被视写字之辛苦得分若干，判卷老师之昏庸可见一斑，窃笑暗骂一句傻逼了得。高考更是成为了彻头彻尾的游乐场，凡遇无知之科目，监考老师发卷未完，已经可以开始叫嚣交卷，时间未到无可奈何，倒头便睡直到考试结束，还要埋怨一句监考何不早时唤醒以至于途在考场莫等闲白了少年头空悲切。高考张榜之日才是Party之时，身在所谓理科班，数理化总成绩相加勉强刚过半百，由衷慨叹造化之弄人，衷心谢一声造物主，胡乱填就之选择题答案，每科都可以考到两位数，居然没出现个位数之成绩，实乃人生至幸也。
这都是只有差等生才能享受的人生至乐。而作为一个可怜的“好学生”，其实在任何地方都是会一样被作为另类遭到歧视，而且我发现只要是人类社会无论文化种族这都是放之四海而皆准的普世真理。所谓的“优等生”基本就是怪异变态畸形的代名词，根本就不会有人把你作为一个正常人来和你交往，你能遭受到的只有歧视，你只是父母和老师用于攀比的工具，失去了父母和老师的庇护，你就是彻头彻尾的Loser，可以说是寸步难行。一个生活在Sheltered Life中的Teacher’s Pet，在任何地方都不会得到尊敬。而这些“优等生”已经沦为到一些人的工具和另一些人眼中的变态畸形而不自知，反而还沾沾自喜自以为高人一等，迟钝麻木愚蠢实在让人瞠目。这其中又以中国的“好学生”为甚，所谓的四体不勤，五谷不分，说的就是中国的书呆子。我至今对知识分子臭老九的德行深恶痛绝，且对康雍乾文字狱拍手叫好，甚而认为文革中大部分受“迫害”的老师实属活该，盖因深悉中国知识分子之下贱品性使然，而所谓的“优等生”，从来就是知识分子的宠儿，这真是应了古话人以群分，一丘之貉而已。今天的优等生，就是明天的臭老九，而今天的臭老九，昨日又必是人所不齿的优等生。今日之中国，遭臭老九祸害大矣。机关单位，学校医院，内政外交，到处是令人窒息的臭老九习气，让人扼腕而叹。前日因业务往来交往个把外交部之关系户，几个回合之下已可确定对方正是令人深恶痛绝的所谓“优等生”或曰臭老九，而且是更令人不齿的努力勤奋的“优等生”，果不其然傻逼无比，百万合同付之一炬，盖拜其Nasty品性所赐，再有机会会面之，当毫不犹豫一拳击断其鼻梁骨乃泄其恨矣。中国外交之软弱，盖因臭老九之多，他日当清算之为快。又有Teenager时期某“特色班”之穷酸“优等生”，因学习成绩之优异步入仕途，大小落得个“外交官”名头，结婚大喜之日居然敢于选择某个穷破回民餐厅大肆操办，且其父母承傻逼之源头不以为耻反以为荣，岂一个穷酸二字了得，深为差等生顽主哥们儿之大为不齿。再有当年某家长会，某班主任居然大肆宣扬某“优等生”如何勤奋不止，洗脚之时不忘温习英文单词。幸其大甚此段子班主任大人未敢于班级之中公开宣扬，否则以本人为首，不加犹豫接个话茬儿“傻逼”二字早已出口。学习成绩之优劣，和傻逼指数之高下，从来都是成正比分布的。论到灵气和天赋，任何一个差等生也绝对不会劣于那些勤奋的“优等生”，论到学习成绩，非为不可为，实为不屑为之是也。没有挑战性的根本谈不到是竞争，只有失败者才会乐此不疲，强者只会吐出一声不屑冷笑。在real world，所谓的“优等生”统统是fucking loser，而这个世界从来都是由差等生统治的，无论是政治还是经济莫不如此。
如上之人生历练，其实是人生之大幸。高中之后顺利进入某野鸡大学，又是物以类聚和某损友交往甚深至今依旧相互贬损乐此不疲暂且放下不表另文专述。
话已至此，对于任何的Teenager朋友，我的忠告只有一句，就是尽情享受青春，糜烂放纵在所不惜，你可以在乎一切，但是唯一可以不在乎的就是学习成绩，因为青春只有一次，你的Teenager时代不会再来。对此我曾经多次忠告我的Teenager朋友及其家长。无奈国人多迂腐不堪，对于金玉良言因已经被中毒洗脑过甚多不以为然，甚而多反问，那总要考大学怎办？不上大学前途又当如何？对此我永远的回答只有一句话。
Fuck the University, I ain’t no loser, and I don’t give the God Damn University a shit.
要是您自己就是个“优等生”，那您多半是不可能有什么文化了，甚至可能可怜得连句囫囵英语也听不明白，那您就容我用中文跟您再说一句罢。去你妈逼的大学，我不是失败者，所以老子根本就不会鸟你妈逼的大学。
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